My Sobriety Story

By Dan

Alcohol is a cheap drug. Probably the cheapest. You can get drunk for $13. For me my drink was Nikolai vodka. I was drinking about a gallon a day. I would drink about every two hours and normally fill up a Gatorade bottle without about a tenth of Gatorade and rest vodka. When I had my son, I would normally have him fill up my water bottle with vodka and mark an X on it to make sure he didn't drink it. I thought I was being a responsible parent by doing that. That was what was the craziest part. Alcohol was making me think like that.

Alcoholism is a slow death. I have been in both AA and NA. The people in NA are about half the age. That's because the people in NA normally die before then. But the people in AA are older because alcohol is a slow suicide. It was for me.

When I moved to Erie it was so easy to get drunk. There were a lot of bars and not a lot of things for me to do. I tried to stop, but I didn't. I didn't stop for my son. I didn't stop for my family. I didn't stop for my friends. It was just too easy to get drunk. I could get alcohol from anywhere. I could even get it at church. I went to rehab a couple of times but it didn't work. I kept drinking.

For me to stop, I had to hit rock bottom. A lot of people won't quit until they hit rock bottom. For me it was my health. It got to the point where I was in congenital heart failure. It got to the point where if I didn't stop I was going to die. That was my choice: keep drinking and die or stop drinking and live. Even then, I almost didn't quit. I know without my heart failure, I probably would be drinking now.

So I went back to AA and rehab. At first it was for my family. I didn't want to be there so I just sat there and listened. After 30 days, I started going back for myself. I needed to get out of Erie for a while and get away from the people who I drank with. I needed a change and I got it. My sponsor helped keep me sober and my community resource specialist helped connect me to the programs I needed. Over time my family and new friends became my higher power. Alcohol was killing me. First slowly and then quickly because of what it did to my heart. So I took my heart back and gave it to a new group of friends who don't need to drink and my family.

Since getting sober my life has gotten better. I am happier and healthier. I still have triggers. For me it is Gatorade bottles. I can go into a Sheetz and look at all the alcohol I want but can't walk into a Giant Eagle and look at the Gatorade. It just reminds me too much of how I drank my vodka. My friends and family keep me healthy and I am no longer risking my life for alcohol. It was my health that made me get sober and the people in my life who keep me sober.