A Letter to (and from) Someone Who has hit Rock Bottom

To Someone Who Has Hit Rock Bottom,

So here you are. You are probably sitting, or more likely lying, in bed staring at your phone or maybe at the ceiling. You feel every possible negative emotion you can. Sadness. Despair. Embarrassment. Hopelessness. And shame. Lots of it. The shame is probably the worst. And the physical pain, don’t forget that. It may not be intense, but it is there. It might be a lingering headache, or a stomach ache. A pain that is deep inside of you. 

Despite all of these awful feelings, you feel oddly hollow. The suffering isn’t intense enough to make you feel alive, or maybe it is so intense that it has put you in a state of numbness. You don’t feel as if you are dying; you feel as if you already have. You feel so tired, but cannot fall asleep. You only wish you could. You wish you could keep sleeping, because you just don’t want to be conscious. You don’t want to leave your house, your room, your bed. You don’t want the lights on, because you don’t want to be seen. 

Being seen means that you have to face what you have done…and the people who know about it.

At this point, you feel like you don’t deserve compassion, forgiveness, or acceptance. You have failed in so many ways, and hurt so many people. How could you deserve anything? The best you can hope for is that all of this is a nightmare that you will wake up from, but you know it is not; it is the consequence of all of the destructive choices you made leading up to this point. The only other option is complete banishment. Perhaps if you cut yourself off from the world you won't  have to face the consequence of knowing you have let everyone down.

Let me be as clear as I can be: You are not alone, you do not need to be alone, and you will never be alone. The problem is that up until now you have tried to do everything by yourself. Something inside of you was hurt. There was an emptiness that you needed to fill. A thirst you needed to quench. Something that you tried to fix over and over but couldn’t. You tried over and over again but with no success. Maybe you used alcohol, marijuana, hard drugs, food, television, sex or gambling…The one thing you did not do, however, was ask for help…I mean truly ask for help, the kind where you fall to your knees, open your arms, and say, “I am lost. I can’t do this anymore and I need to surrender control to a higher power.” 

Because surrendering to you meant weakness and giving up control.

Surrendering is not giving up; it is opening up. And when you do, God will fill that emptiness you feel right now with an ocean of warm, loving light.

Let me tell you something else. Everything is going to be okay! You are still going to live a life of love and forgiveness, and most importantly you are going to find joy, a kind that you never thought was possible. This does not mean that the struggles you are facing right now are going to disappear. You still might lose that job or relationship or life that you are trying to save in vain right now. Most likely you are going to need to let go, and that is okay. Letting go is exactly what you need to do right now. 

Letting go is the ultimate act of faith. 

The reason I can say this is because I know. Everything can be lost, and everything will be lost. When a Catholic pope is consecrated the bishop says, “Sic transit gloria mundi.” (And thus passes the glory of the world.) The world is temporary. Money, love, beauty, sex, it’s all worldly and everything in this world ends. The world itself will end. 

The world and everything in it can be taken from you. That might even be happening to you right now.

What cannot be taken from you is God’s love. God is infinite, and in His unyielding love for us  He gifted us with His presence. He gave us an immortal soul. He gave us the ability to love and be loved. And more than that, He gave us His only Son so that we could find abundant forgiveness. Even though you might be in a sea of darkness right now, all it takes is a single candle to vanquish that darkness. Follow that light; it will lead to Him. 

So step one is opening up. Let God in, and welcome His unending love and acceptance. And  from there start to heal. The journey will likely lead you to others who can help direct you. It might be through a recovery organization like AA or Recovery Centers. It might be through finding a church that can help you better know God. It might come from doctors and counselors, or social services. All of these are great things filled with wonderful and caring people, but first and foremost, open your heart to God, and let Him be your compass out of the darkness. You CAN wake up from this nightmare!!!

Love,

Someone Who Also Hit Rock Bottom and Survived